Where Are You Now?
by syko4bosco aka A. Lalad
Summary: Looking out into the night and wondering...


Where Are You Now?  
By: Awesomo Fox aka A. Lalad  
Category: VA  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Duane Barry Eps, Requiem, any Samantha   
abducted eps...  
Summary: Looking out into the night, wondering...  
Disclaimer: If you think they actually belong to me,  
you need help. All credit to CC and 1013  
and, of course the FOX network.  
Thanks To: My brother for letting me borrow his CD...  
Note: Awesomo is pronounced (and I say this only   
because it is so frequently mispronounced)   
*** Awe-SO-moe ***  
Lalad is ***LAAA-lid***  
Feedback: muldersdoctor@cheerful.com  
  
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~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
Where Are You Now?  
By: Awesomo Fox aka A. Lalad  
He sits at the window, and watches the sleet pelt down  
on the glass.   
  
Behind him, his father sits, passed out drunk in his   
chair. He can hear his mothers muffled sobs from   
behind her closed door upstairs.   
  
Things that would have seemed so strange a month  
ago are now simply part of his everyday life.  
  
Fox looks across the street and gazes upon the   
brightly colored lights hung on the neighbor's   
house, and realizes with slight bemusment that  
it is Christmas Eve.   
  
There would be no presents this Christmas. No  
joyful parties, lights or songs. No cheer to  
spread or to be had.  
  
But Fox doesn't care. All he wants for Christmas  
is his sister back. And he knows that is one  
thing Santa will never bring. Even if he believes  
in Santa.  
  
But even on this miserable cold, sleeting night, Fox   
Mulder can still see the moon, and he looks up toward   
it, in awe, anger, and sorrow.   
  
He wonders if she can see the moon from where  
she is. He hopes that she can, because sometimes  
he would imagine that he wrote his prayers to   
her, and put them on the moon, hoping that   
maybe she could could somehow read them, and  
come home.  
  
He knows that this is all his fault. He should  
have protected her. He should have sacrificed  
himself to save her. But he didn't. He couldn't,  
but he'd never give himself that reassurance.  
  
And now she is gone.  
  
It would be one month tomorrow that she  
was gone, and there was no sign of her return   
anytime soon.   
  
The thought of this causes Fox's eyes to well   
up with tears, and as one escapes down his   
cheek, he wonders where she is, what she's doing  
and if she's thinking of him tonight.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
He sits at the window, and watches the sleet pelt down  
on the glass.   
  
It is only October, but this month will be cold-and  
he knows it.  
  
He turns and stares woefully at his apartment,  
thrown helter-skelter by a fit of rage he  
experienced earlier today. On his coffee table  
lay papers and casefiles galore, and of course  
his picture of her.  
  
He touches the gold cross around his neck, and   
bites his lip to keep from screaming.  
  
He knows that this is all his fault. He should  
have never called her in on that case. He   
should have handled it alone. But he didn't.  
  
And now she is gone.  
  
The one person he had truly trusted and cared   
about in decades, and he let her slip through  
his fingers as easily as sand. He has failed  
once again.  
  
First his sister, now his best friend, confidant,   
and potential lover.  
  
He thinks about putting an end to his life, but  
castigates himself for it-for it is the fools  
way out of things.   
  
Subconciously, he is killing himself anyways.  
Not eating, not sleeping-Skinner is worried,  
and so is Scully's mom, but they don't say   
anything, for fear that if they confront him,   
he'll isolate himself further from the world.  
  
He turns back to the window and he wonders if   
she can see the moon from where she is. He hopes   
that she can, because sometimes he would imagine   
that he wrote his prayers to her, and put them on   
the moon, hoping that maybe she could could somehow   
read them, and come home.  
  
It would be three months next week that she  
was gone, and there was no sign of her return   
anytime soon.   
  
The thought of this causes Mulders's eyes to well   
up with tears, and as one escapes down his   
cheek, he wonders where she is, what she's doing  
and if she's thinking of him tonight.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
She sits at the window, and watches the sleet pelt down  
on the glass.   
  
It is cold for this time of month, the weather   
oddly matching her emotions.   
  
She lays on his bed, wrapped in his sheets, wearing   
his shirt, rubbing her slightly swollen stomach.   
She waits for sleep to come as she does every night,  
so that she can be with him in her dreams.   
  
She knows that this is all her fault. She shouldn't  
have stayed behind while he went back to Oregon. She   
should have told him to drop it, or have gone with him.   
But she didn't.  
  
And now he is gone.  
  
Sleep will not come easy tonight as she lays awake  
and thinks of all the time they shared together.   
They had been talking about how to celebrate their   
8 year anniversary the day before he'd..."gone".   
  
But it had come and gone with no party-for you   
can not celebrate an anniversary with only one   
member of the relationship present.  
  
And it makes her sick inside to think of all those  
years when time had gone by and true feelings   
were never expressed.   
  
She is greatful that at least she was able to   
show him her heart once, but it seemed so   
bittersweet that after one encounter that he  
be taken from her.  
  
Would their child grow to know it's father?  
  
She turns back to the window and she wonders if   
he can see the moon from where he is. She hopes   
that he can, because sometimes she would imagine   
that she wrote her prayers to him, and put them on   
the moon, hoping that maybe he could could somehow   
read them, and come home.  
  
It was two months yesterday that he was gone, and   
there was no sign of his return anytime soon.   
  
The thought of this causes Scully's eyes to well   
up with tears, and as one escapes down her   
cheek, she wonders where he is, what he's doing,  
and if he's thinking of her tonight.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
Calling out your name  
Your face is everywhere  
I'm reaching out to you  
To find that you're not there  
  
I wake up every night  
To see the state I'm in  
It's like and endless fight  
I never seem to win  
  
I can't go on  
As long as I believe  
Can't let go  
When I keep wondering  
  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart?  
When I'm not around?  
Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh, Baby  
So I can let you go  
  
I can hear your voice  
The ring of yesterday  
It seems so close to me  
But yet so far away  
  
I should let it out  
To save whats left of me  
And close the doors of doubt  
Without my dignity  
  
I can't go on  
As long as I believe  
Can't let go  
When I keep wondering  
  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart?  
When I'm not around?  
Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh, Baby  
So I can let you go  
  
I should let it out  
It's time to let you go  
Oh, Baby  
I just wanna know  
  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart?  
When I'm not around?  
Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh, Baby  
So I can let you go  
  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart?  
When I'm not around?  
Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh, Baby  
So I can let you go  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
FIN  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
Thanks for reading! I truly appreciate all of  
you who read fanfic and write responses-it's fuel   
for the fire. If you want the fics, gimme the feedback!  
:)  
  
"Where Are You Now?" copyrighted to Britney Spears  
  
~A. Lalad  
  
"A writer is a person who has taught their mind to   
MISBEHAVE..."  
~Stephen King 


End file.
